Zombie Nation
by RelayIncentive
Summary: The most beautiful thing Ino had seen all day was an uninfected stoner meandering through a crowd of zombies. Naruto found the necromancing epidemic beautiful because he didn't wake up in the middle of the night, pinned down by Sasuke. Slash.


**Zombie Nation**

**- Relay Incentive - **

**Rated R: sex, drugs, gore and... other shit.  
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It was amazing how a necromancing epidemic distorted ones perspective. A stoner, medicated by skunk-15, meandering through a crowd of zombies (if they resembled, and for pragmatic reasons, why not call them zombies?) untouched, was incidentally; the most beautiful thing Ino had seen all day.

Ino herself felt a shared euphoria; "They sense prey through elevated stress...!" She envisioned wondering through a brain-dead society, like a casual game of British Bulldogs, to the corner-shop where she'd wave glibly to an assistant who'd growl but not charge and hurrying home with scavenged goods to Sakura.

Sakura, on the other hand, was mortified by how the stoner was mellowly greeting friends he didn't realize dead and gently tapping a severed shoulder. Flinching and perpetually anticipating one of them would turn and devour him.

"Ino. People will panic because it's a zombie epidemic, and the zombies will find everyone because they're panicking: we're all fucked!" Ino pulled the gentle teacher to her bosom, a trickle of solace before Ino presented something more unnerving.

"In the mean time, you asked where to hide, personally I think he just proved the pharmacy to be a good idea."

"People already regard being in a permanently vegetated state worse than death. And recently, dead worse than undead. A side affect of drugs is paranoia and recklessness. And getting a survival group to consistently, unanimously take drugs is not a long-term solution." Ino moaned, waving away a placating life of narcotics.

"Like congress desecrating the president's bills, ok my dear gullible subordinate." Sakura freed herself so she could scowl at the thigh-high stockings, hiked up skirt and school tie.

"It's disturbing when students say such things to teachers."

"If what's needed is a stress free environment... where's safe, where's secure...?"

* * *

><p>When Naruto awoke he felt a cotton-textured warmth over him, his stomach churned like swiss chocolate, his mind hummed like soft ocean lapping and he had a taste in his mouth, like cardamom, cinnamon and ginger. And he felt utterly despairing, his mind strenuously caging memories he wouldn't find pleasant. He was incontrovertibly face-planted in grass and beyond that, ultimately lost.<p>

A light raked past him and he shivered as it'd violated him sexually. In his mind he questioned his fear of light while the guardsmen standing over the light trained a high range gun at him.

* * *

><p>"And there's already someone there!" Sakura scorned.<p>

"I only left my post for half an hour." Ino immediately harassed Sakura, stroking incessantly along the curve of her spine while peering onto the grassland.

"That's the stoner." Ino said with some fascination. "Still alive, but not high anymore." As her curiosity rippled Sakura winced knowing her secured front gates would be entered.

* * *

><p>"Do you remember anything?"<p>

_"I'm getting a tattoo in 20 minutes. In the Akatsuki area." The shock that under-aged students could be inked by seniors in developing mafia group wasn't lost on Konohamaru. To some they were a serious threat, to Naruto they were a resource you could have a smoke with._

_"Don't give me that look. Fuck class. All of the teachers seem to be off anyway."_

_"But Naruto, why would you want a tattoo? I heard they're bad in missions and stuff." Naruto took a long condescending draw, he held it in savouringly and exhaled loudly and glibly._

_"From now on, don't move, un." Deidara warned, hands engulfed in the hygiene of purple gloves, waving around a metal gun that Naruto knew was actually pistoning 15 tiny needles._

_"Why "OK" of all things?" Konohamaru questioned innocently._

_As his stomach was subjected to 15 needles Naruto frowned and between his teeth demanded;"I shall tell you later should you go forth and fetch thy water." He then answered to Deidara sombrely;_

_"For all intents and purposes I would have written whore. Thou art the art student. It's bold geometric lines, the curve of the O around the naval and strait lines of the K ... If someone were to ask... 'how art thou?', good; too enthusiastic and not bad be doth be too dreary."_

_"I've never known anyone to speak Shakespearian while high, un."_

_"This the one fucked up one who lets his fucked up brother do him? Wait, did he get round to fucking him or is it still courting?" Deidara winced as Hidan broke into his work-place, searching for his cleaning agents to wipe up his brawling sweat._

_"Beautiful tact Hidan." Deidara reprimanded, straining not to express his disapproval through his needles._

_"Rejoice. I care not, one presumes to be too inebriated as such."_

_"Fucked up..." Hidan repeated, as Konohamaru scampered through, presenting a few pitiful millimetres of drink to Naruto._

_"Thou art a villain..." Naruto accused softly, perfectly unamused and mockingly harmless._

* * *

><p>He thought it was somewhat odd, that the medical room (and that's what it was as far as he could tell) was securely locked. "I know my name. I know what the date and time is only as it says as much on my watch. I know my occupation, the current chair of the nation and anything else that proves me lucid ...probably." But it failed to induce anxiety in him and the medic seemed acute and appreciative of this. If were to ever have a child or sibling, he liked to imagine she'd look like her, blonde and blue-eyed.<p>

"But you don't know what happened do you?" Ino asked with an air of disappointment.

He'd always been told he could do so much better if he wasn't high. He didn't believe that bullshit but coincidently he transcended to be a supposed leader of the survival group that had taken him in.

And it was a handsomely facilitated sanctuary. To sedate the complaining tax payers when the new prison was built it was to be self sufficient, state of the art. They had long-lasting resources, their water was constant and uncontaminated, their energy was renewable, the bulk of their diet was organic and long lasting. The array of occupants had skills. The only danger was the populations mental integrity.

"_One of the good things that came from the epidemic was. It was remarkably common, before, to be a in crowd of people and be completely alone. If you find someone, it doesn't matter if they're a stranger, you instantly appreciate them just because they're a fellow human._"

"_I thought I'd enlighten you that; the signs of life are: movement, respiration, sensitivity, growth, reproduction, excretion, nutrition. They may breathe, walk, shit and eat (with little dignity). But they aren't sensitive, they don't grow, they fall apart, we've concluded they don't reproduce. I could say they're a walking, deteriorating virus but I wont degrade them further, I only mean to remind you that they're really not human not to insult lost ones._"

* * *

><p>"Chouji, what's cooking?"<p>

"Vegatable soup!"

"Any problems with maintenance Shikamaru?"

"A troublesome idiot can't get themselves out their cell..."

"I was thinking of writing a book Ino?"

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, what do you think of the name 'Mein Kampf'? Of course you can speak to me Ino." He said, after they were in his private office (the chief's office). He wondered what made the sweet darling so unappealing – swaggering determinedly into his office in an _outfit_ - that he was violated by a male? That the existence of zombies made human flesh equally unattractive? That she was a lesbian?

"I just wanted to thank you for, despite protest from the others, letting me do experiments on zombies in secured rooms. And making watchmen study them as well as shoot them." Personally his tattoo was tender and influencing at the time, he thought he invited the disease in, asking for it to spread and he was dooming them all. But it proved harmless, educating and his ammunition stopped dwindling fruitlessly.

"I let it be done because it had potential and I let continue because it was useful, no need to thank me."

"-I mean. We wouldn't have found out that the infection transferred like HIV and it wasn't airborne! It saved an onslaught of people who were just bitten (although infected blood can be involved in a bite). We have a blood test to determine whether someone's infected or not. 'Shoot them in the head' isn't necessarily affective, the damage has to be close enough to the brain stem. Overall, they have poor equilibrium, reflexes, sensitivity, memory, concentration... They have a basic sense of hearing and a limited sense of smell. The translucency or how white their eyes is determines how blind they are. Although they seem to be changing, improving, did I mention they don't go near the electric fence now as if they know..." It could have been a pleasant talk, he would have continued to let her ramble as it determined the content of the speaking to the rest of the survivors but with that...

"Ino. Remember when you and Sakura were having a discussion about... zombies v. vampires? I don't think you meant anything by it but..." He hesitated, this conversation would change everything but it was inevitable.

"I first entertained that I was hallucinating but the more drugs you give me to job my memory... They do evolve, but telling the survival group to what extent would scare them..."

* * *

><p>"What's it like, being high?"<p>

"_Why do you think he's such an easy catch? Drugged blood is an acquired taste and don't you also get high? Don't drink that, I don't want to have to deal with you being off in the clouds." His memory, plausibly psychological blocked or simply lacking (possibly from skunk-15), was clouded and pitch. _

"_Do want to be bitten?" He couldn't remember how he felt or how he reacted to, or interpreted them._

"_You're playing with your food now? Ridiculous." He couldn't fill in his surroundings, his location or the location before. He couldn't form spacial awareness of were and how people were. There was no sign he was even touched but how would be know?_

"_To be bit or not to be bit? To not be bit is to watch thy kin and fellow people perish, while awaiting thoust own demise. To be bit is to forsake death and abandon thy own kin while gaining other. How strange, that the most painless is to offer thy neck." He wanted to reply._

_But all that came out was, "Why not?"_

_He recalled, perfectly, speech and its level of eloquence. Zombies evolving human functioning was worrying. "Can't do it. Because, he knows, that prey, doesn't run." But a waking yet unsurfaced memory suggesting they had more than humans senses but more advanced smell, touch, sight, …and would fuck them all._

* * *

><p>"At first, I thought I was hallucinating. But the scouting groups are reporting... alarming things. What's worse, they think it's humans." Ino was shaken, even with her supposed and reinforced immunity to stress and fear.<p>

"I think we have to stop the scouting. Before, they either find out or be killed by something they know nothing about."

* * *

><p><strong>ಠ_ಠ I'm not saying please review, just in case no one does, so hah! ಠ_ಠ<strong>

**I like one-shots. And this isn't one. When fics get too long i never finish them, or if i've (and i have, on an old account) posted a multi-chapter fic really it was one-shot that got divided. Posting a fic without a finished, polished, second or third chappy, well... it's new, and kind of exciting ^-^ **


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